Less Random Thoughts on Infinity Wars

Stormbreaker belongs to Beta Ray Bill! If he’d had it, then he wouldn’t have been a face on the Grandmaster’s tower!

*ahem* Spoilers.

Full disclosure: I saw all of the following in my first go-round with the movie but elected not to write about them. I thought that maybe I was being hyper-critical. But on the 2nd go-round I was just as annoyed as during the first viewing.

So, here goes.

Thanos

Thanos’s plan is still stupid. In talking to Gamora he says something along the lines of: twenty years ago, I murdered half your planet’s people. Now it’s a paradise.

His next line should be: And I’ll be going back to wipe out another 50% when they start consuming too many resources again.

Or maybe: When I get the 6th McGuffin, I will wipe out 50% of those who remain on your planet which means I won’t have to go back there for a much longer period of time. Gosh, I hope I’m still alive by then!

Or, wait, is Thanos immortal? Gamora should ask: So, Daddy, just how many resources have YOU consumed in your long life? Hmm? What about the planet of the Groot you wiped out to make all that quilty smooth Charmin? We’ll send that old dude from those ancient commercials after you….

And why is it half? Why not kill 80%? 90%? Burn ’em down to minimum viable population? Presumably any of those options would preserve still more resources. But, I guess 50% just rolls off the tongue better.

Gamora and Thanos

Thanos has a spaceship. And a cool teleport power. Why didn’t he and Gamora just teleport to the top of the mountain where the soulstone was kept by Tantalus? Er, Red Skull.

I don’t mind the “must sacrifice something you love” trope, only how dense Gamora was in the moment. For such a savvy character, why didn’t she see it coming?

I get that she doesn’t think Thanos loves anyone so what happens in the movie makes sense from that perspective, but we also know that she loves (and hates) Thanos.

Consider that Tantalus said that to gain the soulstone you had to sacrifice something you love. (Or maybe Tantalus said “what you love most?” I don’t recall exactly.)

Since Gamora loves Thanos and b/c she’s so savvy, what if she was just slightly quicker on the uptake than Thanos and uses that microsecond to try shoving him over the edge? And let’s say she almost gets him, but he uses the power of the McGuffins to screw with reality thus gaining the upper hand and realizing his goal.

Does that rob the scene of weepy Thanos? Or does he remain sad/grieving because he loves Gamora all the more for fighting so damn hard. She is a firecracker, right?

I don’t know if my scenario would’ve worked better or not, but imo its truer to her character than what does transpire. A little tinkering with the prior scenes could’ve set up all of the above.

Thor

As enjoyable as his scenes with the rabbit were, I’m annoyed that he survives the blast of a neutron star but gets his ass kicked by Thanos. Does that mean Thanos is as powerful as a neutron star? Or is the plot convenience more powerful still?

And when the heck did Thor get *that* strong? He got pounded by the Hulk like 5 seconds ago…and Hela….

And did Thanos really leave Thor to die in the purple fire? Really? Why didn’t he wring his neck like Loki? (Who died in a really dumb way.) Moreover, you’re telling me that Thor doesn’t know the difference between a rabbit and raccoon? Really?

And when Thor takes Beta Ray Bill’s rightful weapon, plot-point-dropping Eitri says that the weapon oh-so-conveniently incorporates the power of the Bifrost.

(Many sentences start with “and.”)

So…why does Thor go to Wakanda to battle the zerglings? And, for that matter, how did Thor know to go there?

And if he knew to go to Wakanda, why didn’t he also know to go to Titan to fight Thanos? If he’d gone there, he could’ve gotten the glove off.

Maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed like those two fights were happening at roughly the same time.

The Fight on Titan

Starlord’s “loss of control” when Gamora’s death was revealed to him felt forced either b/c of the acting or the writing or both or b/c the business plan required Thanos to not lose in the first movie.

Wouldn’t it have been cooler if, sure, Starlord goes ballistic but instead says: “Let me help you get that effing glove off so I can kick his ass man to scrotum-chin.”

But b/c Mothra is tickling Thanos’s memories the Mad Titan realizes what’s happening thanks to his grief being so powerful. So Thanos bellows, “Get out of my mind!”, regains his control and beats the piss out of everyone.

But when he says “get out of my mind” he has to say it in the exact same way as the Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother says it to Paul Muad’dib in Dune (the movie).

IMO, you get the same result with my half-assed scenario above w/o the “er, what?” record stop noise.

The Fight in the Blue Bubble of Stargate: Atlantis

And, to wrap up my Negative Nancy-ness, the whole battle scene in Wakanda was just dumb.

They make a big show of forming up ranks only to raggedly charge a force that greatly outnumbers them? That makes no sense to me.

Sure it allows the heroes to have some individual moments but those are yawningly predictable. Guess what, they win!

Why not have the bad guys break the shield wall and the heroes rally the troops to reform the wall. And…spoiler…why didn’t the bad guys just pummel Wakanda from orbit with very small rocks a la The Expanse (and Monty Python).

And, sure, Thor looks cool being the lightning and wielding his now over-sized hammer (Freud much?) but his actions on the battlefield are literally sound and fury signifying…nothing.

Someday, somehow, I will write a book with equally glaring errors and make a similar amount of cash as Infinity War.

Or, maybe I’m just being hyper-critical. After all, the movie was, on the whole, enjoyable.

Thoughts?

mattbishopwrites

Fantasy author writing a series inspired by Norse myth.

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